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Saturday, July 14, 2012
JUST IN: Who Is A 'Big Girl'?
My dear Ladun
I love love love your blog.
Please help me publish this as Anon. I don't want my details disclosed.
Thanks. Oya click to read... plus i can't wait to know the real meaning of a big girl too...
Dear LLBers
I am a successful single girl in my mid thirties and I live in Los Angeles California. I am currently in Lagos Nigeria on business, I import container load of items for sale in Nigeria. Being a single girl who's still on the shelf everyone around me is looking out for me so that I get picked before my expiry date.
My good friend who is married in Atlanta called me whilst I was in Nigeria, that she wanted to hook me up with some guy in Lagos. I was excited, she said the guy was divorced with kids but looking to start afresh, and I didn't mind. She did the intro and the next thing my phone was ringing.
The guy was born and breed Lagosian MD of a non-bank Financial Institution. He called, we chit chatted and he said he was about to get into his car and so we had to round up quickly as he did not like to talk in the car with his driver listening (that was a red flag for me). He said he wanted to see me immediately, I was a bit reluctant but he insisted and wanted to know where I was. I told him I was staying in a hotel in Lekki and gave him the details and he made his way.
He came I met him at the reception and we went to the bar. I told him I was on my way out but had to wait to see him, we talked but he seemed to ask a lot of questions like: How did I get money to go into my business, why am I staying in a hotel and then the one I need your help with is, he asked if I was "A Big Girl" ie "Are you a Big Girl?". He left after about 15mins and I never heard from him again.
Please can someone tell me what "A big girl is"???
Just got a headache thinking about your question. Why is he asking such a stupid question anyway? Yeye man, does he want to play ball or not. It's not a good sign when Nigerian men start hedging and hawing o jare. I dislike all this Nija related hooking up anyway.
Advice: Give him little to no information about your financial situation, do not buy or give him money or gifts, even if he breaks your heart, your money will be intact.
@Danny Glover.....u can only giv somebody money or gifts if they r still around,read d story again....she never heard from him again after d big girl question...I don't see him as a man who is interested in her money but he wants to know how she made her money,maybe he wasnt convinced with her answer,which is an honorable thing to find out from a prospective partner........NOT ALL DAT GLITTERS IS GOLD......wise man,he's ain't a gold digger at all.
Average Nigerian dude. Saw your wealth and got intimidated. Plus the fact that you were staying at a hotel instead of with family must have set off alarm bells. Can't really blame him though. So many girls giving the entire female folk a bad name these days.
he is a terrible person for him to bombard you on the first meet wit all these questions..what answer did he expect?? he's not talking where driver is maybe because the driver is also" madams" driver..so please forget him he is bad news already....and please don't let the fact that you are in mid 30s drive you into a situation u will regret ..
on the other hand people..he may be asking cos he has had bad experience with runs girls who only want him for material gains ..so he doesn't want to waste his time or hers....
Seeing ure staying alone in a hotel nd obviously very comfortable,he might feel ure one of this so called society ladies that sleeps with men for money.
Big gurl..as in prolly u do RUNS... aπϑ he either felt intimidated or inferiority complex dey worry am...guess hez juz tryna βε̲̣̣̣̥ sure of certain things about ƔoU̶̲̥̅̊ șђǺ, , abi wat more can i say nåђ *sigh
Buh Wђγ do men have complex issues or feel intimidated by successful ladies? Atimes i juz wonder whether its crime to βε̲̣̣̣̥ succesful at wat u do, runs or not.. aπϑ †ђξ next thing they do is to take to their heels...Not fair on †ђξ single successful girls i mux say
Well some men feel intimidated when a woman s financial independent esp when they r not married, they feel u must v done runs to make that wealth, u really don't need a man like that, there's nothing wrong n staying n a hotel if u live abroad - I do it too cause of family pressure and convenience ESP when it comes to NEPA/generator issue, anyway me I have a man for u, a man after God's heart, a Christian, humble o, hola me ur email and I'll hook u guys up and pls note he's never married before - let that sugar papa pass d mic
Mama na girl,u are married,she is single..when u were single Would you by any chance lodge in a hotel in Nigeria,instead of staying wiv family cuz of Nepa ish and co..na two diff things my dear
Teach me to skim read. His question was rude if big girl really means high flying prostitute then, goodbye to bad rubbish IMO. Agree with pp, inferiority complex dey worry am.
all you ladies here are not realistic pls anon jere,the guy isnt tripping cant blame him for asking albeit a little tacky to be asking on the first date he was just overwhelmed by say your appearance and stuff most of the ladies out there today are prostitutes differece is they dont hawk their wares on the roadside cant blame him he probably has experienced a lot of runs girls in hotels lmao
Totally agree wit u! D dude is jst lukn out 4 himself...he probably has bin hooked up wit "a big girl" (runz gel)b4. He's nt intimidated in anyway neither is he feeln inferior! D jst does nt 1t 2 date a whore! Simple
@ OP, I hate to break it to you but you were dead meat from the very beginning. No Yoruba man will take you serious if he found you staying alone at a hotel. That's just a serious, NO, NO, NO. If I were the guy, I would seriously question your home training and family background. You couldn't find a relative or friend to stay with? Hotel ke? God forbid bad thing. No wonder the guy asked the question and fled for his dear life! No young woman from a respectable family and with upright morals will be caught dead lodging at a hotel by herself in Nigeria! It's only prostitutes that do this! The man is right to assume that you're a high-class prostitute.
I beg to disagree jere, even though I haven't done that before, I would rather stay in a correct hotel than stay with my inlaws in naija when I go on visits... sometimes their stress is too much and I dont like being treated like a slave so if I can afford it I would
anon8.56..u must be a some1 with complex too...do you knw whether she doesn't knw anyone in lagos?wat if they live in a far place like ipaja and her business is in lekki ..u need real help..mtchewww
This has nothing to do with inferiority complex on the mans side. I am a man too and I can tell you appearance matters a lot. The guy being an MD means he's rich and he's had experiences with runz gals aka big girls in the past. So he is only looking out for himself and I don't blame him. You naija girls of today are after money money money!
Something is missing in this story. This babe is nt telln us what she luks lyk asin her aura and all. That's why the guy wntd to c u quick quick bcos he's prolly had situation b4 wer he spent weeks talkn over the fone to a babe, fell for her only to see her in person and realize shez a runs babe. Av seen watt runs gilrs luk lyk hangin arnd in hotels so me I dnt blame d guy cha cha
abegi jare in nigeria of today that man has asked a very legitimate question. there are diff kinds of big gurls the ones who do runs for money and the ones who ll use diabolical means to get money whichever one it is they are mostly rich and single. the man has to think of his future and his children so he wont marry a woman who would destroy all that he has worked for and his children too we do watch nollywood now lol
This has absolutely NOTHING to do with having a complex. I know lots of rich Yoruba girls from good homes and they would NEVER lodge at a hotel by themselves except it's a work-related trip for a night or two.
I just can't imagine my sister leaving the US and lodging at a Lagos hotel for weeks! God forbid bad thing oh! If it's an absolute necessity, my mum or a relative will stay with her at the hotel and the driver will sleep in the car.
Respectable Yoruba families don't leave their girls exposed like that. It's just a terrible situation to find a young, single woman.
OMG...anon 8:56, that's the most ignorant comment ever. That's why Nigerians come abroad and want to turn our houses to hotels because they don't know how to do it right. It's only in Nigeria that staying in a hotel is seen in bad light because you guys are as backward and as ignorant as cavemen. That's what hotels are for, to lodge in when you don't want or have anyone to stay with.
Nonsense people...with all the money they have they can't upgrade their way of thinking. Try it in America, you'll find your belongings on the street the next day...
You are too right..when nigerians and their families come to London, you hear them saying they landed so so so persons house....and stay there for weeks inconviniencing the families....abeg you stay in a respectable hotel or bed and breakfast so as not to inconvinience people and also enjoy you trip....wake up nigeria..
Mouth agape! So from what some pps have said I can afford to stay in a hotel, basically I can pay my way but so that a Nigerian man will not perceive me as being a "high flying prostitute" I should, instead, go and stay with relatives. Kai, smh! #issorai call me a big girl anytime...
A lot of ignorance about the use of hotels. Stay with relatives? What if she wants to be on her own? The guy has a real complex and it's ALL to do with it. Meanwhile i bet he will be happy to get a Yankee kpali if you gave him a chance.
Anon 10.54 thank u o, some people n naija r so shameless and that xter is n them, they'll come abroad nd be looking for who wl harbour them, they'll eat all ur food, stay n ur house for free and when they r leaving common $2 for ur child they cannot give, that's why u people see staying n a hotel big deal, so f her parents live n Ibadan or Edo nd her biz s n Lagos, she shd be plying ur death trap express everyday? Some people v even lost their parents and they do all they can to stay away from family members, so staying n a hotel make them runs peeps abi? Ignorance is a disease o
the question was,who is a big girl, thats all she wants to know, keep your advice to ursef, to answere you a runs girl is a big girl and in lame mans term a prostitute. www.tatafonaija.blogspot.com
INFERIORITY COMPLEX.thank you @Ladun's biggest fan.I can't stand guys like that.what did he see?not even your bank statement.Let him go pls and forget that you met him#As you were.
Like its a sin to be a successful girl.He was nice with his words though,One guy asked me if i do runs all cos..... make we seal am like that*sigh*
Yes, there's a lot of ignorance attached to staying in a hotel. However, in Nigeria, the perception is that a girl staying in a hotel is a runs/loose/wayward girl (take your pick). It's a no no. The fact that it is wrong to think so is not the issue, that's the perception. Full stop.
To those blasting the man, face reality. Single girls that stay in hotels over here are perceived as I mentioned above. Lamenting/criticising this fact aint gonna change it - until our society accepts otherwise.
Madam One-of-you, if you can't stay at a friend's place or family's, meet prospective suitors at another place 'cos the kind of man you would want to be with is likely to be unimpressed with your hotel-staying. Those who wouldn't mind are those you may not want to be associated with.
Finally, not all of us men are intimidated by successful women. In fact, we appreciate such, it's those successful women whose heads have been turned by their success we shy away from. We can love them o but we hell wouldn't marry them.
abeg u pple making noise ovr her stayin in a hotel shld SHUT UP JO!!! since wen did stayig in a hotel become world war3...dats y we r so backward,cs we r so damn hypocritical- if staying in a hotel means anytin bad,,,den i bet u shld go n check ur head in aro,cs u knw wat uve bin doing.....hiss!
Why are babes in 9ja so ignorant? I live in Yankee and stay in a hotel when I visit Lagos...my mum stays in Lagos but I won't sacrifice no light for getting heat rash and return to Yankee with that - that alone can land me in Isolation Unit of the hospital....staying in a hotel is more convenient than have all the unseen relatives show up at your doorstep at 6am in your mum's house when they have no idea how you fend over here. Mscchew...you people get a life....working hard and saving in Yankee isn't easy.
Stupid girls full this blog oh! You can complain all you like and call Nigerians ignorant all you want. It won't change cultural expectations. Single girls from respectable homes and with good home training will not lodge at a Lagos hotel by themselves! Take it or leave it. It's just how it is. Aren't these the same Lagos hotels where prostitutes prowl the hallways at night? God forbid I find my sister there by herself. She will be disowned that very day by my father (and yes, I and my sister are both young professionals in the US).
If you must stay at a hotel, have an older family member stay with you to give you some modicum of respectability (you can always return to hotel-life when you return to the US) If you can't do this, don't act shocked when men assume that you're a prostitute. The man was very smart to run away. I would have run away too.
I'm engaged to be married. Intro done. Fiance lives in Abuja and I, in my parents house in Lagos. If you peep the James Bond kurukere I perform when going to visit in a hotel or OMG spend the night, hmmm, you'd pity me. But, our society demands such. Even my future in-laws must not catch me there. FYI, I spent 12 years in the US before moving back 2 years ago. I'm well traveled, have rocked some very nice 5 star hotels around the world and I love doing these by myself. But never in Nigeria!
While lots of girls have given nigerian gals a bad name, the guy was just plain silly if he thought she was staying in a hotel cos she is a big girl. This is because he already had a background of the girl from their mutual friend ie he already knew she was not based in nigeria which is why she would be in a hotel. I travel for business on behalf of my company and i have to stay in hotels for about a week at a stretch and I am single and 29 years old. Does that make me a prostitute? We must learn to not be so judgemental all the time.
WONU: stayın ın an hotel wen u are abroad ıs nt an ıssue but stayın ın an hotel ın Nıgerıa alone ıs a very bıg ıssue for a sıngle lady cos u wıll be classıfıed as a runs\bıg gırls, ma advıce ıs wen next u ın nıg an u wnt to stay ın an hotel just take one of ur famıly wıt u maybe ur sısta ıf u got one cos nıg pple can be so judgemental.
the thing is that you gys are using western ideals to judge african society.there is absolutely nothing wrong with a businesswoman staying in an hotel for her convenience but the societal perception attached to it is why people frown on it.
for instance there is no nigerian law banning single women from staying in an hotel,moreover since she has been staying in the hotel i dont think anyone has knocked on her door to cast vitriol on her or protesters hounding her out.
the operative word here is "PERCEPTION" WHICH IN TURN LEADS TO PPL HAVING A CONTRARY VIEW OF HER AS AN INDIVIDUAL. if we were to be honest this perception didnt just come borne out of ignorance,in 2006 when i was in naija,i met some osu girls who have hotel rooms they pay all round the week for and use it for their runs,same goes for many girls who dont want to take customers or aristos to their personal house hence single ladies in hotels starts to connote negative outlook
Lmao!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Anon 7:57 u nearly killed me !! I could not think of a better reply cuz I badly wanted to reply lucabracee.. I don't hate u luca but smh at how u know prostitutes or always around them or them around u! Smh why don't u advice these people discreetly?? Since u know them so well that I'm sure ull know the size of their excretion! Instead u come here to expose them(which I won't lie opens my own eye) anyways remember karma!!
Anon 14 July, 2012 22:31; you stated your views like everyone else so why call people stupid? You sound like the stupid one here. I'm sure you are one of those Mary Amakas who claims never to have had anal sex, slept with a married man or had a D & C. Your hypercritical types make me sick. The thing is that every hotel in the world harbours prostitutes. If you have a perception that girls who stay in hotels for convenience are prostitutes, perhaps you are one to know this for sure.
@ Mama na girl, pls i dont have any contribution to this topic per se, but pls hook me me up with your humble Christian friend abeg. E-mail's misspepeye@yahoo.co.uk :)
I am a guy and the last time I stayed at a hotel in Lagos (Eko Hotel in the newer suites) on a work-related trip from abroad, my mum came to visit me there from Ilorin and I was so angry when we ran into prostitutes in the hallway. I was pissed-off that I had invited my mother into a place I thought was relatively decent and upscale but turned out to be crawling with prostitutes. I am just grateful that she didn't bring my younger sisters that day.
Young, single ladies that think it's OK to lodge themselves in an environment like this have probably not socialized with respectable families and thus don't know any better. If they did, they would know why the situation is inappropriate and would reflect badly on the lady.
Hello! I just came into Nigeria. And just resumed work! Desperately looking for a one bedroom or anyone who is looking for flatmate in lekki and environs (as I cnt afford lekki expensive rents). I currently stay in a hotel (thou with family) am I a big gal?
@anon 13;14 first off i really dont give two bananas what anyone thinks of me because im not here on or for a popularity contest second if you have followed my posts i never claimed to be an angel i know all sorts of people that i have met on my naijan hols which includes runs girls,good girls evil girls e.t.c
again there are eons of prostitutes,runs girls who use hotels as their de facto HQ so any single girl/lady creates a a negative perception in the mind of the average individual
trust me thats just the tip of the iceberg name any posh hotel in abuja and lagos radisson blu,protea hotels e.t.c and you will find runs girls there using it as hunting grounds/HQ its an investment for them to find the kind of clients they r looking for they even have pimps amongst the hotel staffs who tell them when theres a big fish in the hotel.
would you believe it that some politicians/businessmen's business cards are worth up to 100k or even more amongst runs girls?
Sooo??????????????? Do u want to become a male prostitue????? Jesus!!! Are u better than the soo called 'runs girls' lucabracee y u chatting chatting like a woman????????? Are u GAY??????? Buahahahah trust me I'm not close to being a prostitute, I am extremly livid towards them but then again I try to put myself in their shoes .. And also IT IS NOT MY BUSINESS soo I think u should mind yours too for christ sake .. Chineke ! Or did anyone turn u down?? Hence the bEef? Why not try and speak to them one on one !!?? U know them well don't you??
Hello, this is the first time I'm commenting on Ladun's blog and I will say the truth on this matter.
Its disgusting and uncultured in this part of the world to see a lady staying alone in an hotel, especially in Lagos where it's a big business.
The man was scared of the place he found you and was able to quickly add 1 + 2 (your wealth and your present residence. Even though you travel alot).
This man may be reacting from his past relationship and marital experiences and does not want to fall into the same pit again.
When you say Big Girls in Lagos/Nigeria, we know what that means, plus the fact that he now found you where the so called Big Girls are found.
I think you should contact him for a meeting at a different location and talk to him as two matured persons. That doesnt mean you are begging but only means you are mentally matured.
You should also change your place of residence cos many more men will come your way and have the same feelings towards you. He even tried to have walked away. Some will take quick advantage of your body since that is what they think of you, and then disappear.
Okay i'm just trying to play devil's advocate here. So when the tabloids refer to Lagos girls and women as big girls, does that mean they are run girls? For example i have read and heard people call Deola Sagoe a big girl. She's definitely not a runs girl!
On the other hand does big boy mean male prostitute or gigolo?
The definition is subjective.
Usually when i hear big girl my interpretation is that it means the female is doing well and living it up. Some bankers/oil company workers earning a good salary are called big girls.
The argument for what the term means is a bit wonky.
Why should we care about perceptions or what people say anyway?
PURE IGNORANCE ON THIS SUBJECT!! YOU MUST HAVE LOW SELF ESTEEM IF YOU ARE WORRIED ABOUT WHAT PEOPLE THINK ABOUT YOU BECAUSE YOU ARE LODGING AT A HOTEL. ABEG PARK WELL!! IT'S THESE SAME PEOPLE THAT ALSO TELL LEGITIMATELY HARD WORKING/ PROFESSIONAL SINGLE GIRLS WHO CAN AFFORD IT NOT TO GET THEIR OWN APARTMENT, BUILD HOUSE OR BUY BRAND NEW CAR/LUXURY CAR. SERIOUSLY!!!??!! Y.O.L.O JARE!! DON'T LET OTHER PEOPLE'S MENTAL ISSUES GIVE YOU HEADACHE. LIVE YOUR LIFE! IF STAYING AT A HOTEL IS WHAT NEEDS TO BE DONE, PLEASE DO. IF YOU PREFER RELATIVES HOMES, BY ALL MEANS. BUT DON'T GIVE ME THAT CRAP ABOUT SINGLE GIRL IN A HOTEL MUST EQUAL PROSTITUTE IS PLAIN HOGWASH!!
@ginika you r totally right but remember we r in a chauvinistic african society where some still dont perceive the female specie as equal. i remember the former first lady mrs agagu saying one of her husband's friends came to visit him and he wasnt in so he called him up on the phone and the gov told his friend to chill with his wife unti he arrived but the friend was kinda annoyed with him and insulted for suggesting he hang out with his wife like an inferior but generally big girls are generall synonimous with runs girls the male equivalent big boyg could be a big time armed robber,419er,politician ,ritualist
Again "perception." Agagu's friend lives in the stone age era. Big boy like the Ibadan RA? *wink* You were not here when his story was here. Ladun pulled it in a day.
@ginika true but you ll be suprised a lot of politicians/wealthy in our society still act and believe this way. former gov of ekiti ayo A did one i was witness to, imagine telling a mother of 2 right there in front of her kids that she has a nice butt and he ll like her to leave the venue with him and enjoy some of the states money with him
LOOOOL....ARE YOU FAT???
ReplyDeleteNO IM KIDDING
I THINK HE MEANS...DO YOU DO RUNS ETC
He's a gold digger
ReplyDeleteBig girl simply means HIGH FLYING PROSTITUTE......it is a very derogatory title......clear enough?
ReplyDeleteJust got a headache thinking about your question. Why is he asking such a stupid question anyway? Yeye man, does he want to play ball or not. It's not a good sign when Nigerian men start hedging and hawing o jare. I dislike all this Nija related hooking up anyway.
ReplyDeleteAdvice: Give him little to no information about your financial situation, do not buy or give him money or gifts, even if he breaks your heart, your money will be intact.
He is not that into you
ReplyDelete@Danny Glover.....u can only giv somebody money or gifts if they r still around,read d story again....she never heard from him again after d big girl question...I don't see him as a man who is interested in her money but he wants to know how she made her money,maybe he wasnt convinced with her answer,which is an honorable thing to find out from a prospective partner........NOT ALL DAT GLITTERS IS GOLD......wise man,he's ain't a gold digger at all.
ReplyDeleteGbam! Cld nt av said it beta!
DeleteAverage Nigerian dude. Saw your wealth and got intimidated. Plus the fact that you were staying at a hotel instead of with family must have set off alarm bells. Can't really blame him though. So many girls giving the entire female folk a bad name these days.
ReplyDeleteSO TRUE!!
DeleteMost sensible comment on here.
DeleteUr very right!..sadly, buh dats †ђξ truth
DeleteSo true
Deletehe is a terrible person for him to bombard you on the first meet wit all these questions..what answer did he expect?? he's not talking where driver is maybe because the driver is also" madams" driver..so please forget him he is bad news already....and please don't let the fact that you are in mid 30s drive you into a situation u will regret ..
ReplyDeleteInferiority complex!
ReplyDeletei also want to ask why naija babes in yankee prefer to marry a nigerian why not the guys over there???
ReplyDeleteon the other hand people..he may be asking cos he has had bad experience with runs girls who only want him for material gains ..so he doesn't want to waste his time or hers....
ReplyDeleteSeeing ure staying alone in a hotel nd obviously very comfortable,he might feel ure one of this so called society ladies that sleeps with men for money.
ReplyDeleteWONU: just ma mınd.
DeleteBig gurl..as in prolly u do RUNS... aπϑ he either felt intimidated or inferiority complex dey worry am...guess hez juz tryna βε̲̣̣̣̥ sure of certain things about ƔoU̶̲̥̅̊ șђǺ, , abi wat more can i say nåђ *sigh
ReplyDeleteBuh Wђγ do men have complex issues or feel intimidated by successful ladies? Atimes i juz wonder whether its crime to βε̲̣̣̣̥ succesful at wat u do, runs or not.. aπϑ †ђξ next thing they do is to take to their heels...Not fair on †ђξ single successful girls i mux say
ReplyDeleteWell some men feel intimidated when a woman s financial independent esp when they r not married, they feel u must v done runs to make that wealth, u really don't need a man like that, there's nothing wrong n staying n a hotel if u live abroad - I do it too cause of family pressure and convenience ESP when it comes to NEPA/generator issue, anyway me I have a man for u, a man after God's heart, a Christian, humble o, hola me ur email and I'll hook u guys up and pls note he's never married before - let that sugar papa pass d mic
ReplyDeleteMama na girl,u are married,she is single..when u were single Would you by any chance lodge in a hotel in Nigeria,instead of staying wiv family cuz of Nepa ish and co..na two diff things my dear
DeleteTeach me to skim read. His question was rude if big girl really means high flying prostitute then, goodbye to bad rubbish IMO. Agree with pp, inferiority complex dey worry am.
ReplyDeleteDude has got to be tripping!
ReplyDeleteBut I'll like to know what your answer was when he asked "are u a big girl". Prolly d reply u gave him was d reason why u never heard from him again.
Be careful of hook ups! Do your research, pray and let God lead you! Also, beware of the sort of light you paint yourself in. Lord help us all
ReplyDeleteKeeping your marriage alive- http://princessofzion.wordpress.com/2012/07/14/keeping-my-marriage-alive/
waiting on MR Right- http://princessofzion.wordpress.com/2012/07/09/i-am-ready-i-am-looking-for-a-husband-but-do-you-really-know-what-to-look-for/
all you ladies here are not realistic
ReplyDeletepls anon jere,the guy isnt tripping
cant blame him for asking albeit a little tacky to be asking on the first date
he was just overwhelmed by say your appearance and stuff
most of the ladies out there today are prostitutes
differece is they dont hawk their wares on the roadside
cant blame him he probably has experienced a lot of runs girls in hotels
lmao
Totally agree wit u! D dude is jst lukn out 4 himself...he probably has bin hooked up wit "a big girl" (runz gel)b4. He's nt intimidated in anyway neither is he feeln inferior! D jst does nt 1t 2 date a whore! Simple
Delete@ OP, I hate to break it to you but you were dead meat from the very beginning. No Yoruba man will take you serious if he found you staying alone at a hotel. That's just a serious, NO, NO, NO. If I were the guy, I would seriously question your home training and family background. You couldn't find a relative or friend to stay with? Hotel ke? God forbid bad thing. No wonder the guy asked the question and fled for his dear life! No young woman from a respectable family and with upright morals will be caught dead lodging at a hotel by herself in Nigeria! It's only prostitutes that do this! The man is right to assume that you're a high-class prostitute.
ReplyDeleteI beg to disagree jere, even though I haven't done that before, I would rather stay in a correct hotel than stay with my inlaws in naija when I go on visits... sometimes their stress is too much and I dont like being treated like a slave so if I can afford it I would
Delete@ anon 8.35,8.56
ReplyDeletegbam
gbam
very well said
let these women be doing female empowerment
anon8.56..u must be a some1 with complex too...do you knw whether she doesn't knw anyone in lagos?wat if they live in a far place like ipaja and her business is in lekki ..u need real help..mtchewww
ReplyDeleteThis has nothing to do with inferiority complex on the mans side. I am a man too and I can tell you appearance matters a lot. The guy being an MD means he's rich and he's had experiences with runz gals aka big girls in the past. So he is only looking out for himself and I don't blame him. You naija girls of today are after money money money!
ReplyDeleteSomething is missing in this story. This babe is nt telln us what she luks lyk asin her aura and all. That's why the guy wntd to c u quick quick bcos he's prolly had situation b4 wer he spent weeks talkn over the fone to a babe, fell for her only to see her in person and realize shez a runs babe. Av seen watt runs gilrs luk lyk hangin arnd in hotels so me I dnt blame d guy cha cha
ReplyDeleteabegi jare in nigeria of today that man has asked a very legitimate question. there are diff kinds of big gurls the ones who do runs for money and the ones who ll use diabolical means to get money whichever one it is they are mostly rich and single.
ReplyDeletethe man has to think of his future and his children so he wont marry a woman who would destroy all that he has worked for and his children too we do watch nollywood now lol
This has absolutely NOTHING to do with having a complex. I know lots of rich Yoruba girls from good homes and they would NEVER lodge at a hotel by themselves except it's a work-related trip for a night or two.
ReplyDeleteI just can't imagine my sister leaving the US and lodging at a Lagos hotel for weeks! God forbid bad thing oh! If it's an absolute necessity, my mum or a relative will stay with her at the hotel and the driver will sleep in the car.
Respectable Yoruba families don't leave their girls exposed like that. It's just a terrible situation to find a young, single woman.
Thanks Ladun Luv for posting my email.
ReplyDelete@ Miss Yoyin: ...I asked him the same question I'm asking now "What is a Big Girl" and he laughed...
@ Mama na girl... Thanks!!
OMG...anon 8:56, that's the most ignorant comment ever. That's why Nigerians come abroad and want to turn our houses to hotels because they don't know how to do it right. It's only in Nigeria that staying in a hotel is seen in bad light because you guys are as backward and as ignorant as cavemen. That's what hotels are for, to lodge in when you don't want or have anyone to stay with.
ReplyDeleteNonsense people...with all the money they have they can't upgrade their way of thinking. Try it in America, you'll find your belongings on the street the next day...
You are too right..when nigerians and their families come to London, you hear them saying they landed so so so persons house....and stay there for weeks inconviniencing the families....abeg you stay in a respectable hotel or bed and breakfast so as not to inconvinience people and also enjoy you trip....wake up nigeria..
DeleteMouth agape! So from what some pps have said I can afford to stay in a hotel, basically I can pay my way but so that a Nigerian man will not perceive me as being a "high flying prostitute" I should, instead, go and stay with relatives. Kai, smh! #issorai call me a big girl anytime...
ReplyDeletePlus what what ^^^^ said.
A lot of ignorance about the use of hotels. Stay with relatives? What if she wants to be on her own? The guy has a real complex and it's ALL to do with it. Meanwhile i bet he will be happy to get a Yankee kpali if you gave him a chance.
ReplyDeleteAnon 10.54 thank u o, some people n naija r so shameless and that xter is n them, they'll come abroad nd be looking for who wl harbour them, they'll eat all ur food, stay n ur house for free and when they r leaving common $2 for ur child they cannot give, that's why u people see staying n a hotel big deal, so f her parents live n Ibadan or Edo nd her biz s n Lagos, she shd be plying ur death trap express everyday? Some people v even lost their parents and they do all they can to stay away from family members, so staying n a hotel make them runs peeps abi? Ignorance is a disease o
ReplyDeletethe question was,who is a big girl, thats all she wants to know, keep your advice to ursef, to answere you a runs girl is a big girl and in lame mans term a prostitute. www.tatafonaija.blogspot.com
ReplyDeleteINFERIORITY COMPLEX.thank you @Ladun's biggest fan.I can't stand guys like that.what did he see?not even your bank statement.Let him go pls and forget that you met him#As you were.
ReplyDeleteLike its a sin to be a successful girl.He was nice with his words though,One guy asked me if i do runs all cos..... make we seal am like that*sigh*
Yes, there's a lot of ignorance attached to staying in a hotel. However, in Nigeria, the perception is that a girl staying in a hotel is a runs/loose/wayward girl (take your pick). It's a no no. The fact that it is wrong to think so is not the issue, that's the perception. Full stop.
ReplyDeleteTo those blasting the man, face reality. Single girls that stay in hotels over here are perceived as I mentioned above. Lamenting/criticising this fact aint gonna change it - until our society accepts otherwise.
Madam One-of-you, if you can't stay at a friend's place or family's, meet prospective suitors at another place 'cos the kind of man you would want to be with is likely to be unimpressed with your hotel-staying. Those who wouldn't mind are those you may not want to be associated with.
Finally, not all of us men are intimidated by successful women. In fact, we appreciate such, it's those successful women whose heads have been turned by their success we shy away from. We can love them o but we hell wouldn't marry them.
abeg u pple making noise ovr her stayin in a hotel shld SHUT UP JO!!! since wen did stayig in a hotel become world war3...dats y we r so backward,cs we r so damn hypocritical- if staying in a hotel means anytin bad,,,den i bet u shld go n check ur head in aro,cs u knw wat uve bin doing.....hiss!
ReplyDeleteWhy are babes in 9ja so ignorant? I live in Yankee and stay in a hotel when I visit Lagos...my mum stays in Lagos but I won't sacrifice no light for getting heat rash and return to Yankee with that - that alone can land me in Isolation Unit of the hospital....staying in a hotel is more convenient than have all the unseen relatives show up at your doorstep at 6am in your mum's house when they have no idea how you fend over here. Mscchew...you people get a life....working hard and saving in Yankee isn't easy.
ReplyDeleteStupid girls full this blog oh! You can complain all you like and call Nigerians ignorant all you want. It won't change cultural expectations. Single girls from respectable homes and with good home training will not lodge at a Lagos hotel by themselves! Take it or leave it. It's just how it is. Aren't these the same Lagos hotels where prostitutes prowl the hallways at night? God forbid I find my sister there by herself. She will be disowned that very day by my father (and yes, I and my sister are both young professionals in the US).
ReplyDeleteIf you must stay at a hotel, have an older family member stay with you to give you some modicum of respectability (you can always return to hotel-life when you return to the US) If you can't do this, don't act shocked when men assume that you're a prostitute. The man was very smart to run away. I would have run away too.
Why then are hotels built??? Just for 'big gals'??? I see! Ignorance...
ReplyDeleteWhy then are hotels built??? Just for 'big gals'??? I see! Ignorance...
ReplyDeleteI'm engaged to be married. Intro done. Fiance lives in Abuja and I, in my parents house in Lagos. If you peep the James Bond kurukere I perform when going to visit in a hotel or OMG spend the night, hmmm, you'd pity me. But, our society demands such. Even my future in-laws must not catch me there. FYI, I spent 12 years in the US before moving back 2 years ago. I'm well traveled, have rocked some very nice 5 star hotels around the world and I love doing these by myself. But never in Nigeria!
ReplyDeleteWhile lots of girls have given nigerian gals a bad name, the guy was just plain silly if he thought she was staying in a hotel cos she is a big girl. This is because he already had a background of the girl from their mutual friend ie he already knew she was not based in nigeria which is why she would be in a hotel. I travel for business on behalf of my company and i have to stay in hotels for about a week at a stretch and I am single and 29 years old. Does that make me a prostitute? We must learn to not be so judgemental all the time.
ReplyDeleteWONU: stayın ın an hotel wen u are abroad ıs nt an ıssue but stayın ın an hotel ın Nıgerıa alone ıs a very bıg ıssue for a sıngle lady cos u wıll be classıfıed as a runs\bıg gırls, ma advıce ıs wen next u ın nıg an u wnt to stay ın an hotel just take one of ur famıly wıt u maybe ur sısta ıf u got one cos nıg pple can be so judgemental.
ReplyDeletethe thing is that you gys are using western ideals to judge african society.there is absolutely nothing wrong with a businesswoman staying in an hotel for her convenience but the societal perception attached to it is why people frown on it.
ReplyDeletefor instance there is no nigerian law banning single women from staying in an hotel,moreover since she has been staying in the hotel i dont think anyone has knocked on her door to cast vitriol on her or protesters hounding her out.
the operative word here is "PERCEPTION" WHICH IN TURN LEADS TO PPL HAVING A CONTRARY VIEW OF HER AS AN INDIVIDUAL.
if we were to be honest this perception didnt just come borne out of ignorance,in 2006 when i was in naija,i met some osu girls who have hotel rooms they pay all round the week for and use it for their runs,same goes for many girls who dont want to take customers or aristos to their personal house hence single ladies in hotels starts to connote negative outlook
You seem to know things about plenty runs girls. Abi r u their gay best friend? Back stabbing them on blogs is ur guilty pleasure abi?
DeleteLmao!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Anon 7:57 u nearly killed me !! I could not think of a better reply cuz I badly wanted to reply lucabracee.. I don't hate u luca but smh at how u know prostitutes or always around them or them around u! Smh why don't u advice these people discreetly?? Since u know them so well that I'm sure ull know the size of their excretion! Instead u come here to expose them(which I won't lie opens my own eye) anyways remember karma!!
Delete@anon 07;57
ReplyDeletelool im sorry for your condition
Anon 14 July, 2012 22:31; you stated your views like everyone else so why call people stupid? You sound like the stupid one here. I'm sure you are one of those Mary Amakas who claims never to have had anal sex, slept with a married man or had a D & C. Your hypercritical types make me sick.
ReplyDeleteThe thing is that every hotel in the world harbours prostitutes. If you have a perception that girls who stay in hotels for convenience are prostitutes, perhaps you are one to know this for sure.
Lol... But seriously,not everyone has done what u just mentioned above
DeleteAnon 15 July, 2012 13:07 agreed so it's the same way not every woman in a hotel is a prostitute. Shikena.
ReplyDelete@ Mama na girl, pls i dont have any contribution to this topic per se, but pls hook me me up with your humble Christian friend abeg. E-mail's misspepeye@yahoo.co.uk :)
ReplyDeleteI am a guy and the last time I stayed at a hotel in Lagos (Eko Hotel in the newer suites) on a work-related trip from abroad, my mum came to visit me there from Ilorin and I was so angry when we ran into prostitutes in the hallway. I was pissed-off that I had invited my mother into a place I thought was relatively decent and upscale but turned out to be crawling with prostitutes. I am just grateful that she didn't bring my younger sisters that day.
ReplyDeleteYoung, single ladies that think it's OK to lodge themselves in an environment like this have probably not socialized with respectable families and thus don't know any better. If they did, they would know why the situation is inappropriate and would reflect badly on the lady.
Anon 15 July, 2012 22:40 more ignorance with this statement - probably not socialized with respectable families and thus don't know any better.
ReplyDeleteHello! I just came into Nigeria. And just resumed work! Desperately looking for a one bedroom or anyone who is looking for flatmate in lekki and environs (as I cnt afford lekki expensive rents).
ReplyDeleteI currently stay in a hotel (thou with family) am I a big gal?
@anon 13;14
ReplyDeletefirst off i really dont give two bananas what anyone thinks of me because im not here on or for a popularity contest second if you have followed my posts i never claimed to be an angel i know all sorts of people that i have met on my naijan hols which includes runs girls,good girls evil girls e.t.c
again there are eons of prostitutes,runs girls who use hotels as their de facto HQ so any single girl/lady creates a a negative perception in the mind of the average individual
Go and advice those prostitutes one on one to their faces !! Who is stopping u????
Delete@anon 22;40
ReplyDeletetrust me thats just the tip of the iceberg name any posh hotel in abuja and lagos radisson blu,protea hotels e.t.c and you will find runs girls there using it as hunting grounds/HQ its an investment for them to find the kind of clients they r looking for they even have pimps amongst the hotel staffs who tell them when theres a big fish in the hotel.
would you believe it that some politicians/businessmen's business cards are worth up to 100k or even more amongst runs girls?
Sooo??????????????? Do u want to become a male prostitue????? Jesus!!! Are u better than the soo called 'runs girls' lucabracee y u chatting chatting like a woman????????? Are u GAY??????? Buahahahah trust me I'm not close to being a prostitute, I am extremly livid towards them but then again I try to put myself in their shoes .. And also IT IS NOT MY BUSINESS soo I think u should mind yours too for christ sake .. Chineke ! Or did anyone turn u down?? Hence the bEef? Why not try and speak to them one on one !!?? U know them well don't you??
DeleteHello, this is the first time I'm commenting on Ladun's blog and I will say the truth on this matter.
ReplyDeleteIts disgusting and uncultured in this part of the world to see a lady staying alone in an hotel, especially in Lagos where it's a big business.
The man was scared of the place he found you and was able to quickly add 1 + 2 (your wealth and your present residence. Even though you travel alot).
This man may be reacting from his past relationship and marital experiences and does not want to fall into the same pit again.
When you say Big Girls in Lagos/Nigeria, we know what that means, plus the fact that he now found you where the so called Big Girls are found.
I think you should contact him for a meeting at a different location and talk to him as two matured persons. That doesnt mean you are begging but only means you are mentally matured.
You should also change your place of residence cos many more men will come your way and have the same feelings towards you. He even tried to have walked away. Some will take quick advantage of your body since that is what they think of you, and then disappear.
All the best!
Okay i'm just trying to play devil's advocate here. So when the tabloids refer to Lagos girls and women as big girls, does that mean they are run girls? For example i have read and heard people call Deola Sagoe a big girl. She's definitely not a runs girl!
ReplyDeleteOn the other hand does big boy mean male prostitute or gigolo?
The definition is subjective.
Usually when i hear big girl my interpretation is that it means the female is doing well and living it up. Some bankers/oil company workers earning a good salary are called big girls.
The argument for what the term means is a bit wonky.
Why should we care about perceptions or what people say anyway?
PURE IGNORANCE ON THIS SUBJECT!! YOU MUST HAVE LOW SELF ESTEEM IF YOU ARE WORRIED ABOUT WHAT PEOPLE THINK ABOUT YOU BECAUSE YOU ARE LODGING AT A HOTEL. ABEG PARK WELL!! IT'S THESE SAME PEOPLE THAT ALSO TELL LEGITIMATELY HARD WORKING/ PROFESSIONAL SINGLE GIRLS WHO CAN AFFORD IT NOT TO GET THEIR OWN APARTMENT, BUILD HOUSE OR BUY BRAND NEW CAR/LUXURY CAR. SERIOUSLY!!!??!! Y.O.L.O JARE!! DON'T LET OTHER PEOPLE'S MENTAL ISSUES GIVE YOU HEADACHE. LIVE YOUR LIFE! IF STAYING AT A HOTEL IS WHAT NEEDS TO BE DONE, PLEASE DO. IF YOU PREFER RELATIVES HOMES, BY ALL MEANS. BUT DON'T GIVE ME THAT CRAP ABOUT SINGLE GIRL IN A HOTEL MUST EQUAL PROSTITUTE IS PLAIN HOGWASH!!
ReplyDeleteLast two Anons why are you on lucabracee's case now?
ReplyDelete@ginika
ReplyDeleteyou r totally right but remember we r in a chauvinistic african society where some still dont perceive the female specie as equal.
i remember the former first lady mrs agagu saying one of her husband's friends came to visit him and he wasnt in so he called him up on the phone and the gov told his friend to chill with his wife unti he arrived but the friend was kinda annoyed with him and insulted for suggesting he hang out with his wife like an inferior
but generally big girls are generall synonimous with runs girls the male equivalent big boyg could be a big time armed robber,419er,politician ,ritualist
Again "perception." Agagu's friend lives in the stone age era.
ReplyDeleteBig boy like the Ibadan RA? *wink* You were not here when his story was here. Ladun pulled it in a day.
@ginika true but you ll be suprised a lot of politicians/wealthy in our society still act and believe this way.
ReplyDeleteformer gov of ekiti ayo A did one i was witness to, imagine telling a mother of 2 right there in front of her kids that she has a nice butt and he ll like her to leave the venue with him and enjoy some of the states money with him
ibadan RA?..HMMMMMN
@anon 04;45
ReplyDeleteyou should have realised that they are being hyper because they have not used their daily dose to curb their psychotic episodes