Tuesday, December 18, 2012

JUST IN: My Wife is Taking My Simplicity For Granted

Thanks to his colleague that introduced him to the blog. Love ya...

Hi readers. I am not an ardent social media person, but I heard about this blog from a colleague of mine in the office.
I have read some stories that I find challenging and quite intriguing on this blog in few hours. But I chose two blogs to share my story on. I want to share my story and hear what most ladies have to say on this.

My name is Oluwasegun (real name) and I have been married to a beautiful and intelligent woman for the past 5years and to the glory of God we have raised 2 awesome sons together. Before I got married I had a small fish pond business I was running right in my father’s compound. I couldn’t get a job after graduation so I decided to focus my attention on my small scale business.


I met my wife in one of Nigeria’s top banks when I went to open an account for my business. I didn’t know what it entailed to open an account so I was directed to the customer care unit. She told me the procedures and asked me to bring the necessary documents whenever I am ready to open the account. Before the end of that week I got the documents ready and took it to the bank. But at the back of my mind there was more to my haste. I wanted to get to know her better, and since I didn’t notice any ring on her finger, I just assumed she was single. Her thoughts couldn’t just let me be.

So after two weeks I went to the same bank and went straight to the customer unit. To cut the whole long story short, we dated for 6months before we decided to tie the knot. Three months into marriage I got a job in one of the communication sector and our financial status was balanced, after my wife had our second son, I was transferred to a neighbouring state. I was there for six months and communication between me and my wife was okay to my understanding. I got home at the end of the six months and just few days after my arrival I noticed some changes in my wife. First was her blackberry. I went through her mobile phone and saw the conversation she had with this particular guy.

When I confronted my wife about it, she said he was a former school mate and she said she was only flirting with him because she didn’t want to be rude to him. It came as a shock to my hearing, but I just didn’t want to raise any alarm. Then I noticed again that her dressing has also changed. She started wearing revealing and clingy cloths. I thought she was doing it to make me notice her because of the few months we spent apart, but I was wrong, she was doing it to please the same guy that was among her blackberry contacts.

Another thing I noticed again was that her mobile phone became her right hand, the phone was with her wherever she was, even in the bathroom. After quiet monitoring, I realised she was dating this guy. I confronted her and she denied and then I knew it was a blatant lie. I am not the kind of guy that stays out or keep friends. I also don’t like involving third parties but when I decided to talk to her mother about it, she said as long as I didn’t catch her red handed I should keep my mind at rest.

My wife has given me every reason to doubt her innocence yet she keeps denying it. Looks like she is just taking my simplicity for granted and honestly at this point I don’t know what to do or who to talk to.

74 comments:

  1. Take it to jesus!!!

    only him can help!!!

    ...and na wa for ur moda-in-law sha...

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  2. sorry desar, now you can feel the table turn around, that is what it feels like to be cheated upon, sorry all the same, the truth is so glaring, this is the forst time i will g=hear of a man going through his wives fonr, lmao

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    1. This is not funny madam/uncle desar

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  3. Its so sad, some people never appreciate what they have until they lose it.

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  4. Demand that she gets rid of him as a contact. That is blatant disregard for you and your marriage.

    However, that is not the core issue. You need to talk to her and tell her exactly how you feel. Give her another chance if she is willing to desist from her flirtberry.

    In the end, you are the one in the marriage so do what feels right in your guts.

    You are a great guy. I know men who would have thrown her out or beaten the crap outta her for way less.

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  5. my dear, do whatever it takes to bring her to her senses. taking it lieing low will lead to doom 4 d whole family. fight 4 what is yours. if it means taking the phone from her do it. she will know u are serious and stop this crasy. in the long run you will all be happier 4 it. goodluck

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  6. You sound like a weak man. Little wonder your wife is nacking another guy. Your wife told you point blank that she was flirting with someone and you just kept quiet? Smh. I'm sure you even cried and blew your nose after she told you. She obviously knows how weak you are. You better wake up and take charge or next thing you know, you'll be laying the bed and cooking for them after they finish nacking on your matrimonial bed. Wake up Olusegun.

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    1. lmaooooo ds is sooo meannn

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    2. You shouldn't have said this prof

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    3. Jst try as delet d num frm her phone let c wot her reaction wil luk lik... And another thin is dat we dnt knw if oluwasegun is doin wot is suppose 2 do as her husband. Jus check urself ad c were d problem is comin frm

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    4. @ professor X,he sure sounds like a weak man...wtf does she mean by flirting wit anoda man so it wont seem like shez being rude??

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    5. @ PROFESSOR X ..he sure sounds like a weak man and i feel for him and his weakness. wtf does she mean by flirting wit anoda man so she wont seem rude?? damn

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    6. Olusegun, please dismiss the rantings of the mad Prof above. You are not weak and a nonentity can not write you off as one

      Call your wife and have a heart to heart talk with her. Insist she ends all forms of communication with him. Agree on communication rules with members of the opposite sex for both of you.

      Rediscover your romance, forget the past and pay more attention to her.

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    7. Yes prof saounded harsh, but what he said is the truth. women love strong men and not weaklings who will tolerate ever trash. bc this is a trash. wake up man and take charge, and then u will win her love back. and i dont care if she is picking more bills. dont ever be intimidated. do ur best and take charge. Call her and ask her to delete the contact with her own hands in ur presence. shekina

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    8. You guys are foolish ni...being cautious doesn't mean you are weak. I never support adultery but its better to get your facts straight that just attack like an illiterate fool. She might be going through a phase as a result of her husbands prolonged absence. Seun,I advise you to give ur wife a nice weekend,do those things that made her love u in the first place then find out if she has a crush on this new guy..if she doesn't admit ouright,she'll give you signs. Tell her that its ok to have a crush on someone,even while married,make ur point gently but FIRMLY..tell her she needs to know where to draw the line...

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  7. Keep tabs on her until you find out what you need to know. Be James Bond for a while. Need ideas? Skyfall is in cinemas now. Or get your pirated 45 in 1 copy at Obalende now!B-)

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    1. Hahahahahahaha..u're a fool

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    2. Lmao!!!dis gus is foolish.to segun,sorry is all I can say.nobody is perfect,confront her nd if she does nt chnge,free her.life is too short to waste ur tym on a woman who takes u for granted*rolls eyes*

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  8. Probably you'd have to be patient and take to your mother in-law's advice- 'till you catch her red handed.'
    Although, anything's possible but try maintain an open mind to accept whatever it turns out to be. BTW, you left out some important things that made your suspicion of her stronger... TBTW, sha.
    God bless your home and keep it from strange fellows, in Jesus' name. Amen!

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  9. hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
    o ma ga ooo

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  10. My dear brother,
    i don't know where to start from, but i'll make some contributions to this; Firstly ur courtship is too short for u to know her past n background.
    Secondly u need to take the bull by the horn now.
    U av to dictate the tone of her dressing and please don't be violent about this, thirdly, let us pray for her from the spirit of distraction. God will see u thru, cos a lot men ae going thru same. Best of Wishes brother

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  11. Well they say the proof is always in the pudding! I suggest you investigate as accusations will lead no where. You can't know for sure by asking her, I'm yet to hear of a cheater being honest with their cheating games until they are caught red handed then the truth is reviled. I suggest you act completely oblivious to what she's doing and then when she least suspect that you suspect her following her for a day or week to see what she gets up too. If you can't then hire a private investigator. Her mother is right until u catch her red handed you have no evidence, at least now if you catch her you can go back and present your findings to her mother and to her. It's a crying shame that woman now are part-taking in the cheating game in marriage, even the bible speaks against an adulterous woman. Don't allow anyone to take you for a fool, you have a right to know she's your wife and the mother to your children so that is the ground you should stand on to find out if she's indeed seeing this guy I don't agree to divorce but the bible does say on the grounds of infidelity divorce is permitted so once you have your evidence you either get divorced or counseling. Either way Good Luck and man up!

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  12. 2 bad naija now has a growin' population of weak-ass men.Guy if I b u I 4 so scatter everywhere she go fear fear

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  13. Do the tracking yourself
    Since you dont wanna involve 3rd Party
    You can do the Monitoring

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  14. Women like dat don't deserve men like u.. Hiss

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  15. Too complicated for me!! Over to the more capable readers to advise.
    Good luck and may God be with you

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  16. this is a tough one here, but notwithstanding to some extent your mother-in-law is right, because legally she is not guilty of the offence not until she is caught in the act. Nevertheless i will advice you to keep calm and be a very vigilant watch dog. keep a tight surveillance on her movement and try your best to get facts. One thing i will let you know is that you should try to sniff on her phone wen shes asleep because that would assist you in getting some vital information about whats happening. finally, avoid confronting her on this issue cos the moment you continue to do that, he wud continue to tighten up her sit belt as regards her nefarous act. BE A MAN

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  17. Mr Oluwasegun, to be candid, the only person you can talk to his Almighty God because he's the only one that sees it all. Just be prayerful and God will direct u.

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  18. it is simple take her to herr parents and in front of them ask her for her phone and if she refuses tell her you will divorce her, and take your children and she can go ahead and live her wayward life style. my brother was married for 11 years, his wife did that to him until he took her to her family and that is where he asked her for her phone and at first she didnt want to give it, until the elders forced her to give it. my brother read the text messages, confirmed his suspicion, invited the guy over who happen to leave two houses away from them and there my brother and elders asked him what his relationship was with my sister inlaw and that is when he spilled that my sister inlaw told him that the boy my brother thought was his was actually his according to the woman. the boy was the youngest of their two kids, and he just had his 9th bday. everyone was surprised, my brother had a dna test done a few weeks later, and found out that truly he had been raising another man's child.unfortunately too, it wasnt the other man's child either. he divorced traditionally first- for by doing it that way he got to keep everything that was his and his daughter, and returned the woman to her people and the boy followed his mom. but it is sad because the other man said she told him she was once married when they first met 10yrs ago and that when she got preggo he wasnt ready to marry another wife cuz his legal wife was in the states. i am not telling you to dna test your kids, but you might want to consider doing that if she running around on you, imagine my brother was sharing his wife with other men for almost a decade.

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    1. damn
      some women just make me smh that I am woman indeed!
      10 freaking years?
      o ma ga o

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    2. Some women make me ashamed to be a woman. Don't we have pride or morals anymore? So sad.There is nothing hidden under the sun. No matter how long we hide it, it must come out one day.

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  19. 1stly tell her to delete d guy 4rm her bbm list and see her reaction,she has no biz fliting wit a guy in d name of bn nice,wen she is married and thn av a policy of transparency,no fone lock,knw each other passwords(facebook n twitter) n can go thru each other fones.dts a starting point.

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    1. What if she deletes every of her chat and text messages? My guy, just pretend as if everything is fine ok, then strike with an element of surprise is going to work for you. For now act as if you don't care about her phone and act normal. Ihe nwoke ga eme diya n'obi ( what a man will do is in his heart)

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  20. you might want to carry out DNA test secretly on those children so that your situation doesn't become like that of the ex husband of the 2nd wife of a certain ex minister of education and almost ambassador to us. shikena I don talk my own.

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  21. segun you were not simple enough. in cases like this you need to catch her red-handed. now you have given her an escape route. unless one or both kids are not yours.

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  22. pray to God, get dna done to make sure u r d father of the kids, go fbi on her...by coming home unannounced, track her movement in disguise car, get the guy she was flirting with number and speak to him man to man. i dont know you but i dont think ur wife love u, she most likely married u for money...

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  23. Shz defntly seein that guy. She isn't evn ashamed to tel U̶̲̥̅̊ dt shz flirtn wt dat guy. Dats a BIG BAD...she'd bera concentrate on her kid nd husband b4 she losses both.
    Foolish woman!!!

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  24. I am tried of nigerians always leaving everything to God, but newsflash God helps those that help themselves, go get your kids dna tested as soon as possible, some women are just whores like that. And I recommend you do what the other commenter said, take her to her family and elders and then there tell them what is bothering you, so she doesnt have room to erase anything. As for your inlaw, am sure she was wayward like her daughter when she was married, and am sure she is her watchman, some mothers are bad influence. So dont listen to that your inlaw.

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  25. call her and both of you sit down then discuss it. Or talk to someone she respects.

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  26. A DNA test ASAP will resolve this

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    1. DNA test will not resolve it, what if the sinful acts didn't result in any pregnancy? What if they were careful enough to be using condoms. Do what I told u in my first comment if u want ooo. No be by force

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  27. This is a serious matter

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  28. I feel sorry for Mr Segun

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    1. Na wa o some comments sha

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  29. She is seeing that man

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  30. i ´ll sugest dat u pretend it does´t bother u any longer and be free wit her. don´t discuss it with her. she ´ll think dat its a forgott´n issue and still continue, den u ´ll catch her. just be a watch dog.

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    1. and when u catch her what next. pls do whatever to stop this flirting b4 its too late/ by the time u catch her then the marriage i guess wld be over. so do all in ur power to stop this trash. get the guys number and call him in her presense to keep off

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  31. She don't love u.... She Neva did.... Get ur kids n move on... Before u do us thing tragic like carve her up n stuff her in the freezer....#deep

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  32. Point to note, if a woman doesn't love you anymore there's nothing you can do about it. It's better to close a case earlier than later. You really sound like a nice guy, but nice guys always end up this way if they don't act fast.
    She's your wife so its either you guys agree to stay together OR disagree to seperate.Just monitor and investigate her until you get proofs. If she loves you, she'll definetly refrain from flirting with the other guy to keep her marriage. if not then be strong and accept life challenge. It happens. GoodLuck

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  33. do d ryt thing send her packin

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    1. Is that the right thing? Dundee

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  34. Mr Segun, point-blank. Just come home unannounced 1 of these days that ur away, let her feel work has taken the best part of u and let her feel theres nothing on earth that can bring u home that period. Then u appear like a thief in the night.. Rapture tinz.

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  35. Segun, Marriage is a very scared institution. You ought to be wise both physically and spiritually. First, examine the whole situation. Do you guys communicate @ all ?? Do you have good sex i.e both of you reaching orgasm. This is a very delicate issue. Dont be too foward before you make a mistake because you might send her out and the second one wil enter with pretence but wil letta show exactly her real self. Yes, you can divorce on the ground of infidelity but you got to get proves, which is beyond all reasonable doubt because God is already involved in this. If you divorce and it happens that she isnt doing it, you wil become an adulterous man by marrying the next woman. Am sure you 'v seen it in the holy book. Call her and know why she is breaking your heart. If she complains about anything that you are doing, i mean anything @ all, please change, change, dessist from doing those things again. Pay attention to her complains and do exactly that which wil make her happy. Devil doesnt want people to have a fulfilling homes. Look around and wil see many broken marriages all because they refused to see the devil and his tricks. Please talk to her to FIND OUT WHAT WILL MAKE TO BE THE WOMAN you married and adhere to it. Do it for here and shame the devil other wise you might be making a huge mistake of divorcing her if she isnt having an affair with another man. Do not live on assumption. Be very sure before you act.

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  36. Life of a woman

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  37. Eyan o le gbon to eni to nso (U can't be smarter than who is watching u) check her phone while she's asleep! She can't delete every messages, she'll sure forget to delete some! We r all human. I bet u on dis u'll catch her redhanded. Take your time

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  38. Hmmmmm,you have spoken to her abi? Give her the silence therapy,one word thing,ok,yes,no,good,don't converse with her,she would come back to her senses,silence kills.

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  39. Dear Segun,
    It is a clear evidence that distance can do a lot of harm in marriage relaytionship, partcularly young marriages. Marriage is based on trust and I believe from what you said, your wife's actions and behavour have tend to put that trust in jeopady. She is your wife and you have the right to know what goes around her. But you need to be calm, calculative and smart to trumph. Otherwise, you worry for nothing and put your health and life in disarray.
    Normally, a cheater(not even a criminal) will not accept his crime until confronted with undeniable evidence. So you need to establish clearly about your wife's infidelity and not mere suspicion, in order to take appropriate action. Do your investagation well. Again, you need to talk to her over and over again( not threat)to find out what her problem is. For example, find out if she no longer want the marriage and need a divorce(though not the best option). Just try to find out what the problem by engaging her in frank talk. Also, if you establish your wife is dating the guy, with your evidence, send emisaries to the fellow and those closely related to him to keep away from you wife(no threat, please). I can feel your pains and emotional let down, but be calm, careful and pray because I believe a woman that is involved in extra marital affairs is 'a dangerous animal'.
    Regards

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  40. try to catch her red handed, pray though, watch her every movement if the guy works at her office show up unannoced, you need to be sure she's not cheating on you

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  41. Very true, an adulterous woman is highly dangerous, she can kill.

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  42. Segun, it's a pity this is happening, my husband would ave deleted such contact straight away if he were in your shoe& give me a serious warning to desist from communicating with him. A man needs to take action where it seems fit. u know ur wife better than anyone here.
    I will suggest you copy the guy's contact from her phone when she is sleeping. At your convenient time call the guy and let him know you are the lady's husband & both of u were happy together until she started seeing/ communicating with him. Ask him is motive, if he is really interested in marrying your wife/ mother of your children( because he should ave done so before she accepted to marry u) or just flirting with her. Ask him if he will be happy if one day he is married and finds out someone is flirting with his wife. Beg him to leave your wife & threaten him that u can do anything awful to any one that tries to steal the joy of your home. Call him again & again.
    Then delete the contact from your wife's phone.
    Call your wife and have a heart to heart talk with her, ask her if she thinks the guy is ready to marry her with her two kids. Tell her to think of the negative effect it will have on your children if you divorce. Scold her & let her know u forbid her friendship with the guy either she is flirting with him or not. Finds out from her the things that attracted her to him and where u are lacking and wants adjustment. Take her out, spend time with her, talk about your own temptations and how you overcame them& both of u should pray together( A FAMILY THAT PRAYS TOGETHER STAYS TOGETHER). Show more love to her, be more responsible even if u are earning below her, try to carry out your own financial responsibilities as a husband in the little way u can. WISHING YOU THE BEST.

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  43. Segun, for starters its wrong to accuse a woman, until you have the proof. The burden of proof is on you. Secondly, if she didn't break your head when you accused her of such, the she probably is cheating the life out of you. Finally except you are not the man in the house, you should walk out of it and stop being a weakling. If you are worth it, she will come back. Keep your business away from the naysayers you have in the cyberworld!

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  44. Abeg park well jare!

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  45. Mr Segun i pity u, any way put God first, behave like a man and handle it in a mature way.

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  46. Mr Segun,are you now fat with pot belly?Lose weight and win her back.Perhaps you nag?Never argue with her again.
    Start wearing sexy pyjamas to bed and cook her favourite dishes.
    Perhaps she is tired of eating only vegetable soup,maybe she wants more spice in the marriage.Women are polygamous in nature,don't fight it.Be grateful she even comes home to you and performs her duties
    Above all,pray till your lips tear to preserve your home.
    Divorce is not an option.

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    1. Hahahahahaaaaa! I get this.

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    2. Loool I clap for you.

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  47. send me a mail on chiano@gmail.com.
    Dude, forget simplicity ... it only has meaning in the dictionary.
    with the way the world is nowadays , it only takes a virtuous woman to make and keep a home. There are no more moral values in the society like when our mothers grew up. Churches hardly preach it as much as they preach on tithes and offering. I don't know if Mosques preach about it either.
    The world is all about making returns. she is a banker you said, i guess she may be trying to meet her target anyways possible even to the detriment of her matrimonial home. Not all bankers are like that though.

    You can not say if soap is entering your eyes you'd not scream. By what you are going on about, what really happened in the six months you were away? Did you give her a reason to suspect or think you were camping with another woman?
    It took the return from your six months hiatus to realize something wasn't right. Before then you never suspected and she never gave you a reason to suspect that anything was wrong.This can only mean the relationship is fairly early.

    I am guilty of what your wife is doing now. mine was so bad that i was flirting with the other guy while sitting next to my husband as we watched tv or driving or laying down. I was that carried away by the other guy.
    The day we actually met for a date(i thought should be lunch) he directed me to some place. I knew where we were but couldn't understand why we were there. I still followed like mumu and before you say jaack! we were in a room in a guest house.
    I froze! It suddenly dawned on me what he really wanted to do. I kept on saying i am married! I never intended this to happen. I thought we were only flirting on phone.... blah blah blah.
    Why i wasn't so scared was i had my weapon for self defense on me. he felt it and stopped the very HOT(I must confess)smooching he was doing to me.
    That was what he saw and backed away from me. Tidied himself and his very massive erection, finished our drink and we left.
    After i dropped him off, i deleted his number, BB Pin, email, Facebook, every damn thing i could use or he could use to contact.
    I was lucky. I am licensed to carry a weapon. Your wife may not be so lucky. Now it's BB flirting. soon it will be lets meet. It may not even be a man. It may be a guy younger than you both are. and believe me..... they say the nicest and sweetest things!
    I have not forgiven myself for that day ever since. It's a guilt i have to live with everyday.

    My husband is like you. very simple no wahala guy. The other guy reminded me of things that died with his simple and na wahala life/attitude. no friends, no outings, no social life, no activity, nada! it was the spark the other guy reignited that attracted me to him and that is exactly what is happening to your wife.
    You can not turn a vibrant working class woman into a mumu in the name of marriage. How old are you both by the way?

    You have to rekindle you love. Raising 2kids isn't what marriage is about. There is more to give and receive than being called mummy and daddy.

    Do the mindful.
    PS...
    If u try and u don't succeed. Bottom line bro, if you can't beat them, turn the chair around and join them.( I coined that myself lol)


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  48. May be she was dating the guy before she married you, and hopfuly the guy wasn't ready to marry her, and they ve gone deep, her heart is still on the guy and opportunity came whn you were transferred.what you will do is first, tell her to get rid of the boy from her mind. Engage her on more religious activities, tell her that the guy will not marry her if you divorce her because he did not marry her all these while.Make sure you have enough evidence before you do dat to avoid her yelling on you.Work on how you will be transferred back to fill that vacuum which created that opportunity, then lastly, find the guy contact number and talk to him.

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  49. Uncle segun,pls send ur details to Ladun,I want to marry u since ur wife doesn't appreciate u,I can pick it up from where she stopped and I'm serious about it,would be expecting,luv u,muah!

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  50. how is your sex life together? has that changed too? if yes, then she is cheating. if not then she is actually flirting and about to commit adultery. speak now and save your marriage

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  51. I forgot to ask you this. Are you a faithful guy? Have you ever cheated on her after the payment of her bride price??? Now if the honest answer is yes, then you transfered it to her through sex if actually she is cheating on you. Husband and wife are one flesh but when you violate this law by having affair with a woman, you people wil become "more than one flesh". proverb 6 vs 32-33 says, "But whoso committeth adultery with a woman lacketh understanding: he that doeth it destroyeth his own soul, A wound and dishonour shall he get; and his reproach shall not be wiped away". This is one of the wounds. When a man sleeps with another woman and letta goes back to sleep with the wife, he will authomatically(spiritually) transfer the infidelity spirit to the wife. More than 20% of women that cheat are under the influence of this demonic transfer attack. That is why when you ask some of them why they cheat, they wil tell you that some thing came over them or that they suddenly developed hatred for their spouse. Now if you have actuallly cheated on her, their is 60% chances that she is being manipulated by this "spirit". Solution: Take her to a "life" church for deliverance. You too should also go for it because if she undergoes it only, you wil stil transfer it to her because you are the "host". After the deliverance, the two of you should re-declare your marital vows in your matrimonal room. This may seem stupid in the eyes of man, 1 corinthians 1 vs 25 says, "Because the foolishness of God is wiser than men;......." . After this holy exercise, DONT TAMPER WITH YOUR BODY AGAIN because the demons you sent out wil definitely come back, this time, with multiple demons to fight you and your family but God forbid. God bless you as you do the right thing.

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